Song – Talking Skier

Well if you want to be a skier let me tell you what to do
You gotta have time, like a month or two
And plenty of money, just a little bit more
And I don’t mean hundreds, I mean figures of four
And a savings account, rob the piggy bank
Take one of those fly now, cry later plans

And you need a mountain, preferably high
With a lodge and a pool that’s right near by
Trails and runs and a good long tow
And somethin’ else, oh yeah, snow
And plenty of it, brother, ‘bout six foot of base
Little fresh powder every day, that’s what they advertise

So when you got the time and the place and the loot
And the pants and the parka and a good pair of boots
Flannel longies and goggles and mitts
And skis and poles and waxin’ kits
And a few Ace bandages and a gallon jug of liniment
And a good big pillow, you’re all set

So you get on the train and you head out west
Where any fool knows that the skiin’ is best
Except those in the north or north by east
Where it’s not the most but it’s not the least
You practice knee bends, run down the aisle
Worry about the Arlberger reverse shoulder style
Let’s see, what method does that Stein Eriksen teach now

So far, so good, you’re getting’ right along
You’re at the resort in that happy throng
You go to the ski school and what do you see
A million other people who are learnin’ to ski
And that paragon, oh, that demagogue
The handsome ski instructor

Well you jump on your skis and get ‘em on tight
You think you’re lookin’ like a wonderful sight
You climb up the hill with a side step or two
You notice everybody’s lookin’ right at you
You’re first in line, brother, you’re at the head o’ the class
Suddenly you feel accident prone, acrophobia

So you skied on down that first little hill
You did it real well and you didn’t take a spill
You bend your knees, you’ve got it now
Your instructor announces, “We’ll try the snow plow”
And, brother you hate him, and you were doin’ so well
You were skiin’ parallel on your first lesson and the whole thing

So you learned the snow plow and got it down pat
All that evenin’ ‘round the bar you sat
And you talked like a skier, ‘bout all you could do
Felt real good as you hoisted a few
And you listened to the others talkin’ and talkin’ and talkin’
Couple of fools singin’ folk songs

Well the day has come, as you knew it would
You gotta find out if you’re really any good
Whole darn class is goin’ to the top
Chair lift feels like it’s never gonna stop
It’s getting’ higher and you’re getting’ short of breath
You got tremblin’ knees and a mad desire to jump

So there you are, where you wanted to be
On top of the world, speakin’ figur’tively
You’re poised to move, you’re headed down
Skis together, you’re goin’ to town
The air is rushin’ past your face
You wish you were some other place
And you keep hearin’ voices
They’re yellin’ at you, “Keep your knees together”

So you found a new thrill every time you went out
Don’t try to explain what that thrill’s all about
You can’t explain it, might as well give up tryin’
Let your friends float a loan and find out for themselves

Sure your friends will think that you’re outta your head
They’ll all be sayin’ you’ll wind up dead
But they don’t know ‘cause they can’t see
The thrills and excitement when you learn to ski
Sure, it’s chancy, you could break a leg
But could any of your friends that play golf say truthfully
That they could break a leg

Words & music by Bob Gibson and Larry Rieser
© Robert Josiah Music / Sanga Music